You love me, Real or Not Real
by HevaBeanXD
Summary: Following the end of mockingjay but before the epilogue, what Katniss and Peetas lives will be like since the rebellion
1. Chapter 1

Hi there so this is my first fan fic, I really hope you enjoy it. I myself admit the first chapter is the worse, its just a recap to set the mood so if you read this and think its not for you please try the second and if its still as bad i accept that you cannot possibly read on.

The hunger games belongs entirely to Suzanne Collins

"_**You love me, Real or Not Real"**_

_**I tell him "Real"**_

The next morning I wake alone, I panic and search for Peeta until I hear noises coming from downstairs. Calming slightly I wander down, as I reach the kitchen the smell of bread hits me, greeting me warmly as if embracing and welcoming me.

When I walk into the kitchen Peeta peers up and smiles a dazzling smile that reaches his gorgeous blue eyes. As I go to sit he asks me how I slept,

"it wasn't tainted by nightmares as usual, although I have to admit I panicked when I couldn't find you this morning" I immediately regret this on seeing the worry that crosses his face, I hastily follow it up with "but it was your bread that saved me again" this seems to put him at ease

I confess to him "I'm thinking about going hunting later as a way to thank greasy sae for looking after me" if he has any feelings about this he keeps them hidden.

"that sounds good" he replies cheerfully "we could do with some game for tonight"

Happy with the outcome of our chat I spring upstairs, I know he worries about me being out in the woods on my own what with all its dangers and predators, but apart from in his arms its the safest I feel. I shower, dress quickly then go to grab my fathers hunting jacket, bow and sheath of arrows. Satisfied that I have everything I need I set out for the fence that runs around the outside of the meadow.

The fence is always off now and propped up with large branches. Old habits die hard so I duck and crawl lower under the fence in search for suitable game.

I stop at the apple trees close to the meadow they remind me of Rue and the orchards of district 11, since coming home there are reminders around me that always pull me up on memories some good most bad, I quickly collect some of the riper fruits the trees have to offer, they will make for a good snack along with some of the bread that Peeta baked earlier.

As I go something stirs to the left of me, all of my instincts step up as I prepare for a predator, instead out struts Buttercup, Prims cats stares at my with his rotten squash eyes and mashed in nose. Although I may have tried to drown him as a kitten I'm glad I didn't, he was one of the few comforts that has helped me since leaving the capitol, he bolts off into the trees ahead of me, my unconventional hunting partner, I swear that cat couldn't be any crazier even if we gave him, Catnip.

I'm suddenly ripped back from my hunt remembering how I got my nickname, when I used to hunt and for a short while I was followed by a lynx looking for scraps and left overs, Gale joked that I must have been like catnip to him. In a way I regret killing the lynx, he wasn't bad company. The only good outcome from his death was the price his pelt and meat fetched me, its amazing to think what people will pay for fur so they can keep warm. Just like the fur clothing that Tigris sold in her shop back in the capitol, how when we were hidden in the basement they had acted as beds and kept us comfortable, but no matter how comfortable they were we all still struggled to sleep and fought regularly against nightmares of the games. One night I remember more vividly struggling to sleep I have eavesdropped on one of Peeta and Gales conversations, the fact they were talking so calmly made me curious. They discussed who they thought I loved, who I would pick and why. Gales words haunted me for so long after_ "Katniss will pick whoever she thinks she cant survive without"_

I snap back to reality I cant believe they thought I was so cold and that I played them so I could survive, feeling the anger and hurt coursing through my it pushed me to hunt.

In total I collected 5 rabbits and 3 wild turkeys, I didn't want to be greedy so I mentally told myself on more rabbit then I should head back.

The perfect shot is lined up straight in front of me, but before I release the arrow I notice flowers he is grazing on, Dandelions. A smile lights up my face as I think of Peeta back home, how he admitted he had always loved me and remembered me plucking a dandelion at school, our love is just like that, a dandelion in the spring, a yellow colour that brings re-birth instead of so much destruction and with that I know the present will not last and tomorrow will be kinder

**I hope you all enjoyed reading this, if you did please leave a review. If you have any advice or any criticism I am very open to it, don't hold back I can take it don't worry. If I get a majority of good reviews I will upload more pre-written chapters**

**thanks for reading xx**


	2. Chapter 2

We steadily workout a routine, nothing like the ones we had tattooed on our arm in 13 but it helps to settle us in. slowly district 12 gets back to a shadow of its former self , it will never be the same to me or indeed any of the original population of this district. Most nights the faces of those who will never return haunt me, either as an avox or their eyes stare accusingly out of the mutts from the first games, chasing me and snapping at my heels. Its obvious it affects Peeta, nightmares attack him most nights I never know if its of district 12, the games or what happened to him in the capitol. I cant imagine what he went through in the capitol, I never want to ask him either why drag him from one nightmare back into that one. I can tell that's why he bakes a little bit of his past, a little bit of normal to help him remember the light through the dark.

The primrose bushes outside the house have flourished, I sometimes wake to find a small vase filled with the bright yellow and pure white flowers. I still feel the flames that tore at my skin when I think of how I lost prim, but they also bring me all the happy memories I shared with her, the flowers are a kind thought and bring me comfort and when they aren't enough to calm me Peeta is there to keep me safe and close to him.

Since settling down Peeta talks about marriage almost every other day and who am I to say no, if what we've been through cant keep us apart I don't know what could. One night during one of the regular power outings we get ever since the rebellion , sat in the candle light Peeta starts talking about marriage again but this time its different there is more of a serious tone to his voice, I know what's coming next and when he asks there is no way I would say no. The look of sheer joy on his face makes me rush with adoration as we embrace, when he Pulls away the look of joy is replaced with that of pure animal needing, he leads me upstairs and extinguishes the candles...

Afterwards lying in the crook of his arm I slip into a deep blissful slumber, tonight will not be tainted by nightmares Peeta has chased the demons away.

When I wake I spy Peeta watching me, I smile up to him "you were talking in your sleep again" I panic trying to recall any dreams I might have had, but come up blanks "it was nothing bad darling, you were murmuring how much you loved me" he kisses me on my forehead and I can't help but feel blissfully in love.

Later that day we laze around discussing our wedding, I don't want anything grand like the capitol had planned for us, as for my dress I could marry him wearing the very clothes I was wearing now but I want to make Cinna proud, I go into the other room and look around but its too much how could I possibly make a dress anywhere near how amazing Cinna's creations were. This results in turning me into a blithering mess, all I want is my mother, I decide to hide this from Peeta he doesn't need the stress.

I call my mother that night to tell her about the wedding, she seems happy for my but I know her happiness is tainted with sadness, she tells me the hospital in district 4 is doing well and surpassing expectations with the rates of healing that is helping the residents of Panem. After we hang up I go to Peeta who is sat in the lounge, I tell him of what my mother has said and that she will be down for the wedding, I'm sad that my father wont be there to give me away and that prim can't be my bridesmaid until I remember that Peeta won't have any family there at all. I'll make a point of having a reminder of all the people we have lost so they can be a part of our day. We go through and make a list of who we should invite, I wonder if Annie can travel or if baby Chester is too young to make the trip.

Ever since the rebellion Beetee has been working on getting the train up and running so that all the districts have a transport link, It also acts as a trading link. We ship medicine from the factory here in district 12 to all of the hospitals in the districts, now the medicine from the capitol that the inhabitants of the districts of Panem could only dream of – or watch it float down in those silver parachutes that the victors used in the games – is now widely available to everyone.

Of course Haymitch waits for the train to bring alcohol so he can drink away the fears and memories, in the 3 week gap between trains Haymitch occupies himself tending to a dozen geese. Peeta thinks its a good idea and that I would benefit from having another goat, a bit of normal from my past, I honestly think about it but it brings back so many memories that I don't think a goat is such a great idea.

The planning of our wedding gets into full swing, days blur and I lose track of weeks, months even until the wedding is just a week away. Guests slowly travel to district 12, its the first time I've ever seen people get off the train, most of the time people go in search for a better life closer to the capitol. My mother arrives the next day so I set her up in the spare room, its good to have her back around, I can see although its a happy occasion it pains her to be here, where she used to live with prim and sobbed because she couldn't share the house with my father. She throws herself into wedding preparations as well as caring for Haymitch, she manages to sober him up and give him a good quality of living – even if it is just for a week - it comes naturally to her I can see why the hospital in district 4 is second only to the capitols main hospital they are lucky to have her

2 days before the wedding Peeta goes to stay with Haymitch whilst Effie and my design team move into mine and Peeta's house, along side I can't count how many bags is a clothes bag with my dress in it, in the end I went for a simple floor length ivory dress I could never have hoped to match a dress of Cinna's quality so I didn't offend his memory, the design has its benefits though it hides my jigsaw puzzle burn scars on my legs. My design team have a beauty regime that makes the lists of district 13 look like a school schedule. My arms are their main concern littered with dark red scars they start off with a simple cream bath after this they pat me dry, moisturise and buff me within an inch of my life, even after one round of treatment my scars look faded, another way to leave my past behind.

They plan a feast for that night and nothing is forgotten, when we sit down to eat chit chat passes freely on how everyone has been since the day my trial ended, Effie was offered a job on television and she gushes as we all pass praise, she really does have the personality for TV, people will love her I'm sure. Half way through our meal there's a knock at the door, I'm guessing its Peeta as there isn't anyone left to arrive. I excuse myself from the table and go to the door I open it up and come face to face with, Gale.

**Dun dun duuuunnnn, what will Gale be like? What does Gale want? What will Peeta think to this unexpected guest?**

**I'm honestly surprised that anyone would read this so its amazing to see all you guys adding this to your favourites and reviewing it, thank you again you are absolute stars xx**


	3. Chapter 3

I'm in shock, I must because we stand there for what feels like 10 minutes, just me staring and no words leaving my mouth even though its wide open.

"Catnip, you gonna let me in or should I stay her as an outdoor feature" I suppose I should invite him in, it shouldn't be this awkward with my oldest friend, but he was right I'll never just see Gale any more, I'll always see those children catching the parachutes, the look on their faces when they thought it might contains a gift or food and then I'll never forgot the heat of the flames as they tore at my skin.

I bring Gale through to the dining room, everyone else must be as shocked about our guest as me because all of a sudden there are 5 sets of eyes on us, questioning why he's here and why is he interrupting their meal. In the end its my mother that ends the silence asking how district 2 is recovering and answering questions about her work in 4, I never told my mother that Gale and Beetee could have been behind the bombs that killed Prim, I couldn't let her go back to how she was after my father died.

When we have all finished eating I clean up, people start heading to bed until its just me and gale that are still up, the only place left for him to stay is on my sofa or Haymitch's but I don't think the latter would go down well with Peeta, I'll tell him that Gale is here tomorrow but for now even I don't know why he is here myself. As I walk in he looks up, le looks wounded almost pained and I don't get why, Gale stands and walks over to me, its almost an instinct but I back up scared of his intentions. This hurts him further but still he follows me until I'm backed against the wall, his eyes bore into mine as if searching for feelings or some kind of sign.

"Gale why did you come here exactly" I question

"Catnip you are my oldest friend, I was hurt when I heard you were getting married and hadn't invited me" I can't hurt him further by telling him I didn't want him here, so I come up with some feeble excuse of it being a small wedding, couldn't drag him to 12 and disrupt his work, this placates him so I say good night and leave for bed. I don't sleep, I can't sleep. For the first time ever I'm scared of Gale.

That night without Peeta's arms to protect me all of my nightmares return. I'm running to the golden horn shaped cornucopia and the mutts are chasing me, I jump at it and start to climb, as I reach the top a brown haired mutt grab my legs, I look down into his grey seam eyes and scream for help, someone grabs my hands, its Peeta I'm so glad he is here but something is not right his usually cheerful blue eyes send shivers through my soul, he grabs my hands harder and throws me down to the mercy of the pack of mutts.

I wake screaming to find everyone stood around my bed as if unsure to wake me or even touch me, my mother pushes through them and cradles me I sob into her chest whilst she sends everyone back to bed, she starts to rock me like a child singing the meadow song as she does.

_Deep in the meadow, under the willow_

_a bed of grass, a soft green pillow_

_lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes_

_and when again they open, the sun will rise_

When I wake the sun has indeed risen and I wonder what today will bring, going downstairs my design team, Effie and my mother surround the table discussing hairstyles, shoes and all things wedding. When they see my stood in the door way they make polite chit chat, I can see they don't know how to breach what happened last night. They continue with this small talk until 11 when they exclaim that they must continue my regime if I'm to be ready for tomorrow. They bathe, moisturise and buff me twice this time and after this my scars are barely visible, you could confuse them for shadows if you didn't look twice.

My hair grew back quite soon after the incident and luckily my face was never affected so they give me a hair mask and wrap it up tightly in a towel and leave a cream on my face for half an hour. When my treatments are finished I go to look in the mirror downstairs I'm shocked when I see a dark haired, bright eyed girl staring back at me I look as if no hardship has ever befallen me, I don't even recognize myself, if you didn't know me or my story you would think nothing had happened.

Its at that moment Gale walks through the door his features soften as he looks back at the girl he knew before the games, before the rebellion, before the flames and standing there instead of the man I was scared of last night is my friend Gale, my hunting partner and that familiar smile the I remember.

"Catnip, I wondered if you would fancy going hunting?" he asks "just like old times"

I don't see why not, that's one way to calm my wedding jitters "I'll go grab my bow"

We hunt like we always did, we work well as a team. After an hour we already have an impressive collection so we stop at the house in the woods that my father took me to as a child, we count what we killed and split it evenly, so it takes me by surprise when he grabs my face and kisses me. Stunned I eventually regain my senses and push away from him, my heart hammering in my chest my breathing erratic.

"Katniss, you know you still love me and that I love you" I'm shaking so hard at this that I can't talk "I don't know why you are marrying him tomorrow, maybe you need to feel wanted or you feel you owe him something, but you can't marry him" he stops to let me talk staring intently at my face as I do

"Gale I lo.."

"No you Don't!" he explodes

This shocks me into silence again, he talks again eventually and when he does its calmer.

"I will wait for you here tomorrow, you can come and live with me in district 2 or you can go on convincing yourself that you love Peeta and marry him" he practically spits out the last bit and with that he turns and leaves, I stand there till I gets dark unsure if I could walk even if I wanted to.

When I eventually get home I leave the game in the kitchen and make some excuse and nerves for tomorrow and that beauty sleep is needed, I won't be able to sleep tonight, it will be impossible.

The next morning I get ready by myself, everyone is at the wedding waiting for me, I know who I'll go to, there's no doubt any more.

I exit my house and walk towards the future I chose and when I see him I know I made the right choice, I just hope in time he can forgive me

**I hope you're all enjoying reading this as much as I'm enjoying writing it. The reviews are very helpful for me, its good to know if people are getting along with this or if its utter rubbish.**

**Thank you so much to the people following this story chapter 4 coming very soon**


	4. Chapter 4

Day by day I know and love you more,

but I know your complexities are beyond my ken*

I learn from your wisdom every day

your mind stirs my soul to new heights;

your faith in me gives me strength;

your touch delights me;

and without your love I am incomplete;

so this day,

I bind myself to you with these wedding vows,

willingly and wholeheartedly,

in riches and in poverty,

in sickness and in health

despite our flaws I will share my life with you

all that is mine is yours

I will honour and respect you

I will rejoice in your joys and weep in your sorrows

I will chase away your fears

and protect you from the demons

all the days in out lives

until death parts us

We exchange the rings we had made, the same gold from my mocking-jay pin moulded into a plait like the loaves Peeta bakes. I look up into his blue eyes and I know I made the correct choice, we kiss as our friends and family celebrate our marriage

**sorry this is so short its just a filler until chapter 5 is proof read and then the chapters will be a better length**

***ken means know (knowledge) the vows at the top are a mix of my parents with some that I found on the internet I also added some lines so they tie into Peeta and Katniss' lives, so did I/ Katniss make the right choice, please leave your thoughts in the reviews section thanks again for reading**


	5. Chapter 5

Its not like a usual wedding in district 12, in any normal situation we wouldn't have a house and after our wedding we would have to go to the justice building to sign for a house to be allocated to us, but we have a house in the victors village and ever since the bombing of 12 our justice building is a pile of rubble. Also most weddings never have celebrations that follow them instead the friends and families of the couple would line the path to the door or their newly allocated house. This is exactly what I expect to happen, so when Peeta heads away from our home and towards the meadow, confused doesn't even to begin cover it, that is until I see the meadow, its beautiful littered with blankets and glass vases . I wonder who set this up, it was such a blur walking down the aisle that I couldn't take in anyone but Peeta.

My friends and mother stand in two parallel lines holding ribbons up high so it creates an archway for us to walk through, they shower us with petals as we pass under. When we reach the end Peeta pulls me close and whispers "and without your love, I am incomplete" I recognize this line from our vows, there is no formality to the celebration, its just a gathering of friends who have had their fare share of serious over the past 3 years, the jokes float around about wedding nights and children, I know I should have expected them but the thing that knocks me for six is Peeta's response, how he so casually replies that he would love to have 3 children. I don't have the heart to tell him I don't want kids and probably never will, I could never stand and watch my children's names be reaped, I don't care if the games have stopped it could so very easily be started again.

I push those thoughts to back of mind and force a smile. We all eat and celebrate throughout the day and when it turns dark I see why there are so many vases dotted around, hundreds of candles are lit and flicker projecting a romantic light across the meadow its truly breathtaking. People start to leave as it gets late we thank them for making our day. Soon its just me and Peeta, we lay there staring at the stars just holding on to one another, we should probably go home but this moment is so perfect I never want it to end.

When we do go home Peeta drapes his jacket around my shoulders and plants a kiss on my nose and I know I never want to be anywhere else but with this amazing man, he takes my hand and leads me to our house. Stopping just in front of the door he turns to me and says

"so Mrs Mellark, what now?"

"share the rest of my life with you" and I mean it, its the most natural thing to me

Peeta scoops me up in his arms to carry me over the threshold but when we opens the door the scene of destruction that greets us gives me chills. I can't take it in, who would do this?

"Katniss stay here whilst I go and grab Haymitch" I mumble some form of response as he races off. I'm just glad my mother had stayed elsewhere tonight I can't begin to think what would have happened had she been here. I walk further into the house to survey the damage when I spot the mirror, scrawled in red is the word "Bitch" there is a smash to the side as if its been punched, I know at that moment that Gale will probably never forgive me.

I panic, what if Gales still here, was this his plan, is this all, I doubt it. I know its stupid but I shut our front door and lock it, "i'm sorry Peeta I cant risk your safety" I survey the destruction, it leads to our bedroom, hitching my skirt up I silently climb the stairs close to the top I jump out of my skin as Peeta hammers at the door. I continue up and into our bedroom and at the end of my bed sits Gale, a bottle of liquor in one hand a gun in the other. Finishing the bottle he tosses it at the wall the shattering of the glass makes me jump, I try to relax to appear as his friend Katniss. He stares back down and plays with the gun, from this I can see he has 1 shot left, whatever happens this bullet can't be used against Peeta – who from the sounds of it is attempting to kick in our front door whilst wildly screeching my name.

I start to talk but stop, nothing I can say can save me now.

"You didn't come to me Catnip" he's slurring so much his words are barely audible "why Catnip" he cries

"I'm so sorry Gale, I really am" I plead

"but you aren't are you" his look hardens and the next thing I know he shoots, as I fall I hear a canon boom.

"KATNISS"

**Thanks so much for reading this and sorry it took so long, I wrote and re-wrote this twice and i'm still not fully happy with it. I didn't think Gale would take rejection very well especially since their wedding celebrations were flaunted in front of him.**

**Please leave a review of your honest opinions that way I can gage how bad it is :)**

**You guys are still amazing, thank you again**


	6. Chapter 6

_Beep_

_Beep_

_Beep_

_Beep_

_Beep_

I can hear voices chattering all around me, I go to open my eyes but they don't move, why can't they move. I try to talk to ask for help but no noise leaves my mouth. I can feel someone holding my hand, it feels familiar, Peeta. I try to move my hand, to squeeze his and try to reassure him, again nothing it doesn't move. At least I think it doesn't.

"Katniss" at first its just a whisper until I try to squeeze his hand again "**Katniss**" this time he practically shouts my name. A louder beeping sounds around me as people rush into the room, the sound of my mother leading what I can only guess to be the medical team throws me, she sounds so in charge, its an alien feeling for me.

"what happened Peeta" she has her healing head on, her voice is strong and authoritative.

"she squeezed my hand" his voice falters and my heart reaches out to him.

"Oh Peeta sweetheart, it was probably just a reflex" she goes on to clear her throat and I hear the room empty till its just her and Peeta "how did this all happen Peeta" she speaks so quietly now that I can barely hear her.

"we came home and the house had been ransacked, I went to get Haymitch, I. I..." he trails off and starts to cry, I guess that my mother moves to comfort him because when she next talks my reconstructed ear hears her more clearly.

"its OK" she soothes "she'll be OK. She's always been a fighter just like her father" I smile inwardly as they talk so freely, its great to hear them getting on so well.

Peeta clears his throat and starts again "I should have made her come with me, but I never thought she would go inside the house without me. Haymitch was asleep so it took him longer than I planned to be ready and then" he takes a deep breath "when we got to the house she had locked the front door, I started to bang on the door, I knew it was useless but I had to try something. Next I tried to kick the door but I can't balance well on my leg" he pauses, I can't tell why but he soon continues "me and Haymitch broke through the door at the same time that I heard the gun shot" my mother lets out a sob "I ran upstairs but I was too late, I thought I'd lost her" he says "I_ thought I had lost her_"

So it wasn't a cannon that I heard, I can't believe I was so stupid, to risk my life with Peeta. I'm just so glad its me in the hospital bed and not him. I wait to see if they mention anything about Gale but mainly its just small talk until my mum gets up.

"I think you need some rest honey" I'm glad she is caring for him,

"I can't leave her"

"I understand Peeta, I'll call in some favours and get them to bring in a spare bed for you" and with that she leaves

I feel Peeta rest his head against my arm and regains hold of my hand "well this is a fine mess you've got yourself into Katniss, I thought we said forever" his voice cracks as he starts to sob, I want so much to comfort him, to tell him why I did what I did, but what can I do when I can't move. I try to squeeze his hand, from the movement I'm guessing he sits up.

"Katniss, can you hear me" Squeeze

"Oh my god you can, can't you" Squeeze

"Katniss I love you so much" Squeeze

"you were so stupid, I can't believe you what you did" I squeeze his hand but lightly this time, a silent apology,

When my mum re-enters the room Peeta tells her about how I'm responding to his questions.

"Katniss can you hear me darling, its your mother" she sounds sceptical, so I laugh inwardly when I squeeze her hand as she lets out a loud squeal whilst slapping the call doctor button. The room turns into a hive of activity. The on call doctor tries a few questions and I respond accordingly. They set about a plan to bring me out of my coma in 2 days time.

Peeta stays with me that night, I can hear him snoring lightly and it acts as a lullaby and I drift off. The next day people check on me throughout the day, they ask me questions and politely converse with Peeta, they tell me that my mother has been busy working all day in the hospital, I'm guessing from from this information and the unfamiliar voices around me that I must be in district 4.

Its pretty quiet in the evening so Peeta reads to me, when they story has finished he continues to read, first its my notes and then he just reads any small amount of writing dotted around my room.

"oh Katniss, what are we going to do with you" he sounds like a broken man "you know when I say your name your heart beat goes up on the monitor, he chuckles lightly to himself he gets close to me ear and whispers "Katniss"

**Beep, Beep, Beep**

"Katniss" he says it louder this time

**Beep, Beep, Beep**

"Katniss" he sings

**Beep, Beep, Beep**

and at that moment my eyes spring open

"**KATNISS"**

**OK so, sorry it took so long to update I was playing around with perspectives and I'm rubbish as a Peeta I guess its cause I would write him in love with me :P but anyhow I loved writing this chapter I wanted to get some cuteness in there and I hope I did, chapter 7 shouldn't take as long. Thanks guys please review – I don't mind what you write it could be words thrown together that makes no sense – trust me when I see the email saying this fanfic has a review i'm like a kid at Christmas **


	7. so sorry guys - authors note

I'm so sorry it's taking me so long to update, I have pre-written chapters already ready to be typed out and added on to this story I'm guessing I must just be doubting myself - I hit major writers block and then pulled about 5 chapters out of thin air which inspired me to go on I will add more chapters i just want more people to read this first and review so I know if its worth it - so sorry to the people who followed and made this one of their favourite this, you are amazing. just as a note I'm not the type of person to put targets up because I don't expect that many people to read it let alone review but if I could get 20 reviews I will happily continue with this fan fic - thanks again - and to the followers of this story you are stars I love you :D have a cookie :)


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